DAWN II

Another dawn… They keep coming!

This is my second attempt at a ghazal for Jane Dougherty’s challenge:

https://janedougherty.wordpress.com/2016/08/17/poetry-challenge-44-ghazal/

 My first attempt fell toward folly rather than regarding the principles of form so I’m back again, same picture, same theme, leaning more on the rules this time- I think.

So a Ghazal is a love poem, made up of a collection of uneven couplets with a refrain at the end of each couplet, although the first and second lines rhyme too! The refrain should be no more than 1 to 3 words- I accept that I have a refrain of 4! I am a deviant! What can I say!  

Along with this, which I completely missed on my first attempt, there is another rhyme which immediately proceeds each refrain making an internal rhyme! Good lord!

Now, come on everyone, give it a try and, if you fall like me, keep trying like me too! Remember it’s all about the journey, not the destination.
My first attempt was penned in a Paris airport, this second attempt at home in Dublin, maybe my Irish ancestors will accelerate success…


DAWN

I saw her lean into the light 

saw Ushas try to still the night,

   

Though she art Dawn, for two she slew,

a sorrowed sigh to still the night 

      

For fell thee fair, thou rarest gift

A kiss come by to still the night

       

Yet we no more than passing ships

Must beg or buy to still the night

     

But Time, born but to bitter brood,

Would not comply to still the night,

      

So rise dear Dawn, adieu sweet Love,

I make to die, too still the night.

      

All words by Damien B. Donnelly

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22 thoughts on “DAWN II

  1. Jane Dougherty

    You got it, rhyme, rhythm and all! A refrain of four words is fine by me. Great magical poem, Damien, the ancestors were certainly singing to you 🙂

      1. deuxiemepeau

        Just like me, I also missed the internal rhyme first time which made me have to rethink the entire piece. Looking forward to reading your tomorrow when I’m home and gave more time. It’s been wedding weekend over here in Ireland.

  2. Pingback: Poetry challenge Ghazal: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes

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